Writing is a big deal so far as I’m concerned. Nearly all my life – that is, since I could talk! – I’ve enjoyed playing with words in one way or another, and when things come out in a satisfying way the pleasure can be physical as well as emotional or, if you like – I do – spiritual. But when they don’t come out right, and I know it, it can be maddening.
The most recent post in this blog, “Toiling with Troilus”, was in the hard basket for a long time and I thought it might even be too hard. Quite a number of drafts were ripped into shreds and then torn into tiny pieces before being dumped down my literary loo, a new low in “bog standard”. When I finally stuck it up on the net, I was relieved as well as pleased.
Now I can get on with what I am meaning to do, which is write another novel. I’ve been doing quite a lot of research for this one, which in a way is unusual for me: most of my novels have sprung out of things I was already interested in, and had found out about in the ordinary course of being curious. There are always things to find out, facts to check and so on, but the background bits, on Shakespeare or Berdyaev, or Giordano Bruno or Nazism or Celine or what- or whoever were already sitting in my feverish imagination before I thought of writing at all.
This one is a bit different. After Kaos I felt I had ploughed a certain furrow just about as wide and deep as it was going to get and that it was time to till somewhere new. Partly that involves the kind of book I mean to write, and partly it is what I mean to write about. Casting around for new material and new approaches has often been quite a lot of fun as I’ve let my interests find their own paths and have learned a great deal about things and people I knew little or nothing about. Hopefully the sense of wonder will translate onto the page and give readers some thrills.
But I want to get onto it, start writing, and I feel I’m not ready to do that yet, and I am beginning to find this quite annoying. Every day feels closer, but I go to bed without having put a word onto e-paper. Blagh! Once I get started it will be hard to think about anything else, so the best idea would be to stop worrying about it and enjoy the down time. But I’m not like that.
Do I have a title? Yes…maybe even more than one title. Do I have a premise? Yes…several to choose from but think I’ve settled on one. Characters? Yo…some interesting people too. Plot…welllllll, not entirely. A beginning and an end and lots of the middle but there are some wrinkles there that just won’t iron out. Double blagh!
Thanks for reading.